I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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