My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
