the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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