My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
