I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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