I'm lost and stupid without you.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
