I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
