speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Alive.
So much puke
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
