If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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