I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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