remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
