I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
