i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
