My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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