I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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