Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I need water and some morals
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
