Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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