OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
