not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
