You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
