she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
