Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
