Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
