Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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