yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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