True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
