so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
