Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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