My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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