I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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