I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
