PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
