im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
