walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
