Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm getting married
To pizza
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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