Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
