why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
