He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
