I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
