ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
