I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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