i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
