I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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