I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
