I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
