I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
