he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
