Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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