I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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