Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
